Hen weekend Plan of Disaster
…Male strippers guide on how to miss your best friend’s wedding
Our Male strippers have seen many failed Hen Weekends. Actually if you want your Hen weekend to finish faster than a bag of sweets in the hands of someone on a Slimfast diet than go ahead. Do all of the below. And let your imagination roam free. This how you become the most hated person in the upcoming wedding and lose most of your friends in a jiffy. All a future bridesmaids and DIY hen organisers should read this bible of hen weekend wisdom.
Timing the Hen Weekend
Being a male stripper in Ireland means that you work 24/7/365. But some Hen Weekend dates top the poll by far.
Nothing like a male stripper to strip fully naked next to the Christmas Tree. Make sure there are a few sex toys in the mix of pressies for the ladies attending the hen. Invite the whole family. I mean …What could go wrong?
New Year’s Eve
This is the exact day that you want to spend with another 15 ladies that you don’t really know. Imagine the bonding when a male stripper strips as you drink bubbly and ring in the new year. Who else would the bride to be want to spend this night with?male
Combined Hen Party and Baby Showers
Yes for expectant mothers that are also brides to be a hen weekend away is a fantastic idea. The Bride to be will be sipping her OJ while the rest of the ladies will be throwing up tequila. Then the Buff Butler will be playing naked twister with the Bride to be! The baby will be kicking to the rhythm of the music.
First week of January
Kids are not back in school yet, all your girlfriends are broke ….but the hotels have massive discounts so let’s do this. And as a good bridesmaid make sure that the bride to be is on her detox-get-in-that-fecking-wedding-dress diet.
A good mix of ladies
Get a teetotal auntie and a drug addict cousin. Make sure that they sit next to each other during dinner. Then watch the beauty unfold. Actually make sure to invite a slutty workmate and then ask your male stripper to give her a lap dance too. Then try to pay him off when she rips off his uniform. Just to be sure invite your crazy paranoid grandma too. She will definitely add some suspense to the party when she hides in the toilet for the evening.
Top Notch Entertainment
Get a cheap as chips DJ for a hen house party
Watch him as he downs a pile of Es and plays the Vengaboys in a loop. Get all the above ladies to learn the dance moves on the spot. Make sure that the Bride to be rips her dress and your crazy grandma spends a lot of time near the DJ box. Then wonder why the Granny is saying repeatedly i love you to the DJ, the lesbian friend… Granny hugs everywhere.
Get a Male Stripper off Facebook
Ignore the top rated male stripper companies in Ireland. Get a random guy with a fake Facebook profile. I mean the fact that he has 30 reviews saying that he is useless and a perv don’t mean a thing. Then get him to perform for the paranoid grandma. Evenbetter, send the stripper to do a Full Monty for your lesbian friend. Make sure the granny and the auntie know very well what a lesbian is.
Get a Drag Queen for your Hen Weekend
Male strippers in Ireland are a thing of the past . How about a Drag Queen to entertain your diverse crew of hens. Make sure she is the bearded variety. And she sounds like a Banshee on a mission. Especially during her performance full of better-than-the-real-thing Celine Dion renditions. Make sure she is called Celine …or Dione.
Foam Party Fun and home made Zorbing
What’s the point of paying an arm and a leg for some lame arse activities. Go DIY . Foam Machines can help you deep clean the living room, the dresses, the carpets. Buy the cheapest Zorb ball off Amazon and get all the ladies together to inflate it by blowing into it. Then make sure you find a nice slope near the Cliffs of Moher. And that’s all you need to earn an unforgettable night in the Irish Health system’s A&E.
Location Location Location
The charming countryside
Choose a B&B in a small village of 15 inhabitants. Then get a super expensive taxi trip to the next town. Make sure you party till you drop and have no money for the return trip. Then take 3 buses to get back to the amazing natural beauty of County-the-back-arse-of-the-feck-away.
In da hood
Organise a trip to a European Capital. Make sure to book the cheapest ever B&B. Then persuade the girls to dress up as 80s hookers. Fishnet tights and curly perm are obligatory. Mingle with the locals. Then explain to the husband to be the photos with the locals. And why the locals are dressed just like the Hen Party. Some spectacular neighbourhoods in Prague, Budapest and Athens pop to mind.
The Caribbean paradise
Why don’t you avail of that super discount for 4 days in Punta Cana. This way the lot of you will be confined to the amazing half a mile of safe territory that the 2 star resort provides. But do venture outside the resort to get some first hand excitement. With the crime rate similar to the rent hikes in Dublin you are bound to make some lasting memories.
You might want to break the mould and trash your besties gaff. Indeed she needs a drastic renovation for her nest. Obviously the future hubby will be delighted to have the opportunity to prove himself as the next Bob the Builder. Or Brendan the Navigator…after seeing the state of the place the day after.
Make sure you tell everybody how much you love the bride to be. Now is the time to confess the fact that you are really bi and have had the hots for her since high school. And be protective of her. Make sure she knows exactly what the rest of the ladies think of her. If possible record their opinions. Then ask the male stripper if you can use his sound system …bet that would be really appreciated.
Try to wear whatever the bride to be is wearing. Just a more expensive brand. If she can’t take a bit of rivalry she ain’t your friend really. Make sure you done the highest heels in the group. Look kindly down on the rest of them at regular intervals.
Go off for a quickie in the loo with the first random drunk guy then ask if any other ladies want to have a go. Keep sexting the groom to be all night long. Send him loads of nudes. Make sure to ask him for a dick pick. If he sends one, reply with a group photo with all the hens.
Now that’s what we call a hen weekend !